Important blog feedback from meatsticks

You know how your female friends will always tell you that you are totally justified in mailing your ex-boyfriends stool samples? Or how they applaud you for the elaborate and vaguely psychotic schemes you plot to humiliate/emasculate men after bad break-ups? Or how they clap with glee, even when your new haircut makes you look like Joan Jett fresh from a LGBT meeting?

Yeah. I’m lucky. But there are times when you need someone to tell you what time it is. This is when I survey my male friends who are capable of withering honesty, even when I don’t ask for it.

Me: So, what do you think about my blog?
MF#1: I think it’s overdone.
Me: What?! What do you mean?
MF#!: It’s trying too hard. Like you. You always try too hard.
Me: Oh my god! I can’t believe you just said that! I don’t try too hard…do I?
MF#1: Yes, you do. First of all, you smile too much. No one could possibly be that happy.
Me: I’m not…what? You’re such an asshole.
MF#1: See? That’s the spirit. Good girl.

And then, another revelation:

Me: How come you never read my blog?
MF#2: Because that shit is for girls, bro.
Me: But it’s not at all – it’s about the human spirit! There’s stuff in there for guys, too.
MF#2: Yeah? Like what?
Me: Like…
MF#2: Relationship angst? Arty pictures? I don’t think so.
Me: Okay, FINE. So how do I attract male readers?
MF#2: Post a picture. Preferably with cleavage. Dudes dig that.
Me: You are a Neanderthal.
MF#2: I’m just telling you the truth. If you post a sexy booby shot, the dudes will come.
Me: Wait - boobies exposed or partially exposed?
MF#2: Whatever.
Me: But someone just told me I had “teenaged breasts.” I think he meant “surprisingly and disappointingly small.” So I don’t think…
MF#2: Yeah. Probably best to post someone else’s breasts.


Dickhead. But in case he’s right, I’m posting a booby shot, for all you guys out there. Eat your hearts out, boys.